What Rope Always Makes U-Turns?

*Throughout the post, you will notice asterisks(*) being plotted in front of certain words or phrases. This means, for further elaboration, refer to the notes in small text underneath the paragraph where the asterisk was found. These short comments or explanations are not vital to the understanding of the main plot, but it is advisable to read, as the writer has made a great effort to be insightful and thoughtful in his notes.

Just in case you missed my title, which is something you really don't want to miss(rather, I don't want you to miss):

What rope always makes U-turns?

U-rope. Which is exactly. Where I went to for my holidays.

* * *

I realized something(actually, many things, but this is the only thing worth mentioning right now) while in Europe:

I love Malaysia.

Don't get me wrong, London and Paris are nice places. It's just that while being away from for so long, you will tend to miss some things about your home country. You miss your car. The comfort of your house. The familiarity of your favourite shopping mall. The assurance which comes from knowing exactly where you are, and where you can go to do exactly what you want. I've always appreciated Malaysia, and I'm never afraid to admit that I love it. However, being away for ten days(it's not even a very long time), although not in a completely undesirable or depressing place, has reminded me many times that I truly do.

I left KLIA via Emirates on Wednesday night, or Thursday morning (9th of September), whichever you like to consider it. Basically, I was at KLIA on Wednesday night, preparing for a midnight flight. Settling in the regular discomfort of economy class *airplane/aeroplane seats, I busied myself throughout the journeys there and back with the wide selection of movies, among which I chose to watch Hercules, Valentine's Day, The A-Team, **Diary Of A Wimpy Kid, Clash of The Titans and others I can't recall.

*It depends. In America, say airplane. In Britain, say aeroplane. In Malaysia, say plane.
Examples:
1. Can we pretend that airplanes, in the night sky, are like shooting stars? - American, Hayley Williams
2. I'm taking an aeroplane, across the world, to follow my heart! -Icelandic, Björk Guðmundsdóttir (not British, but c'mon. It's Iceland; they're practically the same thing, I mean. The two country names even LOOK the same.)
3. MADAM! THEY DIDN'T SPECIFY THAT THE PLANE IS PERPENDICULAR TO THE LINE PQ! - Malaysian, Yeoh Kai Yuan

**Does anyone else think that the "wimpy kid" in this movie looks EXACTLY like the main actor from I Love You, Man?


Interesting fact: The Airbus 380(above pic), which I took from my transit in Dubai to Heathrow, London, is apparently the best passenger plane there is. It's double-deckered, man.

Interesting fact 2: Dubai International Airport is something of the largest duty free *airport in the world, but there really isn't anything exciting to buy there, except frozen yoghurt.

*Hmm. Hands up who knows why it isn't called an aeroport in Britain?

Arriving in London, we boarded the Tube and headed straight to our hotel to check-in. I hate London and Paris' versions of the LRT. The Tube and Metro, as they are called in London and Paris respectively, are stuffy, dirty, crowded with the *great unwashed, and tiringly difficult to navigate. You get used to finding your way even with the hundreds(exaggeration) of different lines, switches and stops, but frankly, a person who has been traveling and has walked an entire city in a day does NOT want to have to travel long tunnels with long flights of stairs but no escalators on his way back to his hotel.

*Meaning people, as the term can be applied to the general population of Europe.

Having gotten the flaming of the overseas public transport behind us, we now look to the best qualities of London and Paris. The best description to their buildings, architecture, and scenery is:

Picturesque.

No other word to describe it, so I won't. See for yourself. I took about 2,000 pictures there, so it was no simple task choosing a few to post up here. While falling in love with my pictures, keep in mind that I am not a photographer, so while I do not have any photography skills whatsoever, I am not above editing photos to enhance and encourage the growth of the seeds of dramatic lighting. Because it's amazing what a little Photoshop can do to your pictures.

In no particular order, here they are.

Yes, that is a statue of a naked man atop a building in Oxford.

EPIC WATERMILL.

I love this pig-ture. Yes, those are pigs.
Nah, just kidding. They're sheep.

* * *

The funny thing about Paris, however, is that while it IS a picturesque city, it isn't a real-life-esque city, or whatever it is you people want to call it. What I mean to say is, Paris looks good in pictures and videos, but it isn't such a great place in the flesh.

"What's Paris called again? City of lights, is it?"

"No, that's Deepavali or something."

"NO. Deepavali's the FESTIVAL of lights!"

So anyways, despite being deemed the ultimate romantic spot or City of Lights or whatever, it won't live up to your expectations. It's a coarse, dirty, place. Further dragging it down on the list of my ideal places to visit, a crazy first impression shook up my entire perception of Paris.

I crossed over from London to Paris on a ferry, and arrived early in the morning, at about 5:30am, if I remember correctly. We got off the ferry and found ourselves in the Metro, the Paris underground rail system.

Groggy and uncomfortable from the all-nighter journey in which we didn't get much sleep, we weren't very happy about being lost in large underground tunnels and no one who seemed to be friendly enough to speak English. And then there was the smell. The unpleasant odour of the place, which stank of what we *assumed to be dogs' pee, was an extremely disgruntling welcome to Paris.

*It is widely believed that the strange odour of Paris is that of dogs' leavings, because Paris is full of dog-lovers. However, after having searched large parts of the city in vain for toilets in places other than our own hotel, my brother and I came to a second conclusion. Think about it.

Implication 1: Paris lacks toilets.
Implication 2: The streets of Paris smell disturbingly like toilet.
Conclusion: The dogs can't be the only ones who are unable to resist the call of nature.

Leaving the others to try and figure out the course to the hotel on the map, my dad and I traveled down a long, dimly lit tunnel, and found ourselves at the ticketing office, finally with people who were able to help. The man behind the counter spoke English, and we were asking about the tickets and their version of our "Touch N' Go", when suddenly the man switched to French, and fiercely let loose what seemed to be a long stream of profanities from his mouth.

Startled at his sudden anger, I turned to see what he was shouting at. Behind me, I saw a witch. I swear, she looked exactly like the worst kind of witch, those whose names would be something like Urgraicsky the Magical Ogre. Armed with a mane of unkept grey hair and heavily swathed in dull scarves and filthy clothes, she lifted the cigarette from her mouth and screeched, yes, SCREECHED, at the man behind the ticketing counter. They proceeded with a French shouting match, which by my observation, the yellow-toothed witch was winning. She had the much louder voice, and the French words she spat at the ticketing officer seemed to be so much scarier than what the latter could produce.

At one point of the shouting match, the witch angrily stepped forward and pushed my father and I aside, so that she could attack the ticketing officer directly but for the glass of the ticketing booth that separated them. I watched as the man grew more and more agitated at her, until he finally stepped out of the booth and shouted right in her face. He jabbed his finger accusingly at her, and said something with some finality in his voice. The woman gave a loud cry, shoved his hand aside, and took her leave, wailing and screaming her way down a tunnel, clearly unsatisfied with how the match had ended.

The man took a great sigh. Then, as if nothing had happened,

"Tickets for how many?"

* * *

One thing you should know about the French? They have a terribly small variety of food, and yet they spend all day just sitting at the cafe's, crowd-watching. Walking past a cafe, you will see a long row of chairs and tables(occasionally no tables) stretched out far beyond the rental space of the cafe. These chairs will all be facing one direction: Out. The French spend hours sitting there, eating their ham and cheese croissants, sipping their coffees, looking out at the people passing by.

And throughout the city, you will see seemingly identical and recurring foods. A Frenchman's diet consists of: Butter croissants and coffee for breakfast, a ham and cheese croissant sandwich with coffee for lunch, and for dinner, either more croissant sandwiches, or they could opt for something more classy, but a simple chicken chop or western dish worth RM20 in Malaysia will cost them 20 euros. And one euro = approximately RM4.

The one thing I won't complain about France, though, is their desserts. Of course, no French restaurant would be complete without macaroons. Macaroons are EPIC. I've had them once in Malaysia, but that wasn't quite as religious an experience as my macaroon one in Paris.

The other dessert that is worthy of replacing my wedding cake in the future is creme brulee. Yes, delumptiously sugartastic.

Remember, if you're ever looking for a good lunch in London, keep an eye out for them kebab stores.

Countryside restaurants serve killer mushroom soups capable of making you want to quit your job at Google and go find a job as a mushroom picker near the Cliffs of Dover.

Finally, my favorite. The ULTIMATE. Meringues.

* * *

Let's take a look at the places worth visiting if you ever go to London/Paris.

1. Arc Du Triomphe, Paris

Yes, this is where my Facebook DP was taken. Heheh.

2. Montmartre Artists' Square, Paris



3. Big Ben, London


4. Camden Town's Camden Lock Market, Greater London


This place is an awesome place to visit. There are LOTS of things to see, and more importantly, they have...

*Piña coladas!

*You know the pina colada song? I've just downloaded it, it's awesome. It's called Escape, by Rupert Holmes. I daresay you'd have heard it before.

If you like Pina Coladas, and getting caught in the rain.
If you're not into yoga, if you have half-a-brain.
If you like making love at midnight, in the dunes of the cape.
I'm the love that you've looked for, write to me, and escape.

5. Eiffel Tower, Paris

Where I spent four hours with my brother helping him get his epic Eiffel tower picture. In the end, the best one we took was taken after we'd given up. It's his Facebook DP now.

6. Portebello Market, London

The place is huge, overcrowded, and there's nothing there. But it's still interesting to take a look at, and there are tonnes of *buskers here.

*Street performers. Busking has always been an ambition of mine. One day, I'm gonna grab my hat and go out into Pasar Seni, lay it down in front of me, and play my guitar.

7. Roman Public Baths in Bath, England


8. The River Thames, London


9. Trafalgar Square, London

* * *

I don't really feel like saying much more, but there are still some pictures I'd like you guys to see, so I'll just post them up.

Buskers.

Our dance epics. Not all, cos most of them are of my brother, and I'd better not use all his pictures here. Just his best, and mine.

Myself @ Arc Du Triomphe


Ian @ Tower of London


Myself @ Eiffel Tower


Ian @ Eiffel Tower

Everything else, because I'm lazy to sort.

Segway tour of Paris, man. I should've gone.

Taken through a hole in a fence.

Buckingham Palace. This was an extremely lucky shot. I lifted the camera straight up on an outstretched arm so as not to be blocked by the huge crowd in front of me, and randomly took a shot, which framed perfectly all the guards and even their leading police escort far ahead.

Looking in from the side, I thought: Hmm. What's so special about this car?

Moving around to the front, I thought: Oh.

Watched Les Miserables, but it wasn't as good as...

The Lion King. AWESOME.

(Before the show)

"Look! That thick mane of gold! It's the lion king!"

At the train ticketing office. My fair lady, geddit?

Step Up 3, France-style.

I didn't copy and paste them or anything, I swear!

If I were a duck, this would so be my DP on Facebook, MSN, and everywhere else.

Phew. Perhaps my longest post ever? I've never taken so much time on one post. This one particularly because of all the photo editing, and it takes forever to upload all the pictures, with the annoying five at-a-time uploading scheme.

Let's wrap this up, shall we?

Thank god it's over. That was one overlong post that I hope never to have to repeat.

Jun Shern out.

*Static*