A Box Of Memories: July 2008

Friday, July 25, 2008

Sugar Rush

You know what this is? Diabetes. Seriously. Go check out diabetes on the net. This is the diabetes sign. Why am I talking about diabetes?

Let me fill you with sugar-Wait, that didn't come out right.

I meant, let me fill you in on the sweet stories of the past few days.

Monday, 21st July
The First Experience

Dear Sugardiary,

The Leo Club in school was having a food sale. A sale of sugar. The theme/name of the sale was SugarRush.

The moment I saw the stalls at the back of the canteen, I remembered the announcement about the candy sale that they made last week.

I rushed to the back of the canteen, leapt and clapped with joy, and bought myself a stick of 3 marshmallows. They were good. Soon, others started buying things and the stalls were jammed. I took sugar after sugar from everyone willing to spare me some.

In the end, I had 3 marshmallows, a handful of fizzy colas, a cotton candy, mentos, nata de coco, and many others.

Just you wait. The sugar had just begun.

Tuesday, 22nd July
Diabetes, Anyone?

Dear Sugardiary,

The sale is still on. The intake of sugar is reaching an alarming level. Mervin bought cotton candy during break AND lunch, which I shared with him.

I also bought a bag of popcorn, which I consumed about 3/4 of in 10 minutes. After that, we enjoyed the effects of having more than one fizzy cola in our mouths.

Then the sugar rush began. We giggled like schoolgirls, and sang "Sugar, sugar... Oh, honey, honey... You are my candy girl..."

Wednesday, 23rd July
An Aftertaste

Dear Sugardiary,

The Sugar Rush food sale has ended. Now what?

Sugar, we miss you. Oh, sweetums, where'd you go? How could you leave me to deal with the bitter taste of everyday life without your sweetening solutions?

I sit with my head down, swaying from side to side. I look down upon my empty palm, and see the mountain of fizzy colas that smoothed my rough touch with sweet, tender, kisses just only the day before. I try to eat the sweets, but just before it hits my tongue, the cold hard, truth hits me.

There is no more fizzy cola. No more cotton candy. No more marshmallow. No more Sugar Rush.

All we are left with is a harsh reminder of how everything you love is eventually digested and excreted, never to be eaten again.

But even as that sweet substance leaves us, its wonderful aftertaste we shall never forget.

I salute you, sugar.

Jun Shern Out.

*Static*

Friday, July 11, 2008

Some Things Were Never Meant To Be Revealed

The title of this post has no relevance whatsoever to what is about to be written.

Imagine me and you, I do.

I think about you day and night;
It's only right to think about the girl you love,
and hold her tight, so happy together.

Stuff have been going on. Lotsa stuff. And everyday, school is like, wow. W-O-W. Concert time is brilliant, don't you agree?

I mean, at first I was pretty miffed at being separated from my friends, and getting stuffed into a form 1 populated dance. But these guys are pretty fun to be with.

Besides, I'm making new friends. Are you proud of me, mommy?

We miss classes everyday, and have concert practices for more than half the day. And when we're not practicing, either we're in class acting like it's post-ex, or we're sneaking off to the hall to watch the rehearsals(There are also those times when the teachers come in and teach, but who wants to talk about THAT?).

Please, don't let this be the end,
it's everything I am,
everything I want to be.

I saw a headline today: "Twisters Hit Malaysia"(or something like that, I can't find the newspaper anymore) My first reaction was: NO WAY, we don't get twisters around here!

Then, I unfolded the bottom half of the paper, and saw a man holding a Tortilla sort of roll. My mind instantly flashed back to a certain incident that happened during dance practice...

*Radio crackles for a moment, then lands on a legible station*

"...so the caller has to identify how many "Toasted Twisters" are in this sentence... the winner will win a free Toasted Twister from KFC..."

*The class is silent, everyone waiting for the sentence*

"Here it is, listen closely: ToastedTwister-ToastedTwister-ToostiesTwister-ToastedTwister-ToastedTwinster-ToastedTwister."

"Three!"
"No, Four!"
"It's Three la dong!"
"It's four, genius!"

Personally, I guessed four.

*The caller answers the question*

"..Umm, I think it's either four or three.."

"So what is your answer?"

"Umm, I think I'll go with three..."

*people groaning all around the class*

"I'm sorry, but that answer is incorrect. The answer is actually four."

"Oh, okay."

"Thank you for calling, anyway."

Follow your heart,
let your love lead through the darkness.
Back to a place you once knew,
I believe I believe I believe
in you.

I think this year's concert will be way better than last year's. The theme is better, anyway. I have a song stuck in my head. It's name is I Believe, by Celine Dion and Il Divo. It's one of those catchy concert songs.

Unfortunately, my Limewire isn't working so well, and I can't download the song.

I'm also tired of doing this post. Goodbye.

Suis ton etoile
Va jusqu'ou ton reve t'emporte
Un jour tu le toucheras
Si tu crois si tu crois si tu crois
En toi

"For never was a story of more woe, than this of Juliet and her Romeo."

Jun Shern out.

*Static*

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CaLAMEity

What do you call a baby pig?
A piglet.

What do you call a baby bull?
Bullet!

What do you call cheese that is not yours?
Nacho-cheese!

What do you use to count cows?
A cow-culator!

Who is the second most efficient person in the science and maths club?
The co-efficient!

If you make apple pies from apples, what do you make with snakes?
Pie-thon! (python)

Why did the cow board the spaceship?
Because she wanted to go to the mooooo-n!

Why did people bring swimming gear to Dr. Jekyll's house?
Because he was having a Poole-party!

What do you call the most non-violent ocean?
The Paficist Ocean!

What do you call the most detailed ocean?
The Spacific Ocean!

How did the detective know that the fish stole the money?
Because the fish looked very gill-ty!

What kind of fruit is never lonely?
A pear(pair).

What is the most popular place in school?
The canteen, because it has alot of fans!

Which object in a classroom weighs the least?
The light!

Where do snowmen go to dance?
A snowball!

What is the healthiest kind of book?
An exercise book!

Why did Kris Allen draw his ogive graph wrongly?
Because there are no boundaries!

What is "try"?
Chem is try!

Top Ten Blonde Jokes

Question: If a blonde and a brunette fell off a building, who would hit the ground first?
Answer: The brunette - the blonde would have to stop for directions!

The assistant asked the blonde if she would like her pizza cut into six pieces or twelve.

"Six please" she said, "I could never eat twelve!"

A blonde was walking down the road with a healthy looking pig under her arm. As she passed the bus stop, someone asked,

"Where did you get that?"

The pig replied,

"I won her in a raffle!"

A person went into the office kitchen one morning and found a new blonde girl painting the walls. She was wearing a new fur coat and a nice denim jacket.

Thinking this was a little strange, he asked her why she was wearing them rather than old clothes or an overall.

She showed him the instructions on the tin,

"For best results, put on two coats".

Two blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their car with a coat hanger.
First Blonde:

"I can't seem to get this door unlocked!

Second Blonde:

Well you better hurry up. It's starting to rain and the top is down!

Three blondes were walking through a field when they came across a set of tracks.

The first blonde looked down at the tracks and said,

"I think they could be bird tracks."

The second blonde went to look and said,

"No, I think these are deer tracks."

They stepped aside and the third blonde went over to the tracks. She looked down, then got run over by the train!

A blonde asked someone what time it was, and they told her it was 4:45. The blonde, with a puzzled look on her face replied,

"You know, it's the weirdest thing, I have been asking that question all day, and each time I get a different answer."

A blonde was driving down the road listening to the radio and was quite upset when she heard blonde joke after blonde joke. A little way down the road, she saw another blonde out in a field rowing a boat. The blonde stopped her car and angrily jumped out yelling,

"You dumb blonde bimbo! It's blondes like you that give the rest of us a bad name! If I could swim I'd come out there and give you what's coming to you!"

A blonde and a redhead went to the bar after work for a drink, and sat on stools watching the 6 O'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge, and the blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump.

Sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead $50. The redhead said,

"I can't take this, you're my friend."

But the blonde insisted saying,

"No. A bet's a bet."

Then the redhead said

"Listen, I have to tell you that I saw this on the 5 O'clock news, so I can't take your money."

The blonde replied

"Well, so did I, but I didn't think he would jump again!"

A dumb blonde was really tired of being made fun of, so she decided to have her hair she would look like a brunette.

When she had brown hair, she decided to take a drive in the country.

After she had been driving for a while, she saw a farmer and a flock of sheep and thought,

"Oh! Those sheep are so adorable!"

She got out and walked over to the farmer and said,

"If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one home?"

The farmer, being a bit of a gambler himself, said she could have a try.

The blonde looked at the flock and guessed, "157."

The farmer was amazed - she was right! So the blonde, (who looked like a brunette), picked one out and got back into her car.

Before she left, farmer walked up to her and said.

"If I can guess the real color of your hair, can I have my dog back?"

Three wishes

Three men stranded on a tropical island came upon a lamp buried in the sand. They rubbed the lamp and a genie appeared in a puff of smoke.

"I'll grant you three wishes," said the genie.

"I wish I were home with my family," said the first man.

The genie waved his hand and POOF! The man disappeared in a puff of green smoke.

"I wish I was back home with my friends," said the second man and POOF! He too vanished in a puff o smoke.

The third man thought long and hard until the genie tapped his fingers impatiently and snapped " What is it you wish?"

The third man sniffled and said "I wish my two friends were back here with me to keep me company."

He is no longer president, sir.

One sunny day in 2008, an old man approached the White House from across Pennsylvania Avenue, where he'd been sitting on a park bench. He spoke to the Marine standing guard and said, "I would like to go in and meet with President George W. Bush."

The Marine replied, "Sir, Mr. Bush is no longer President and doesn't reside here." The old man said, "Okay," and walked away.

The following day, the same man approached the White House and said to the same Marine, "I would like to go in and meet with President George W. Bush".

The Marine again told the man, "Sir, as I said yesterday, Mr. Bush is no longer President and doesn't reside here." The man thanked him and again walked away . . .

The third day, the same man approached the White House and spoke to the very same Marine, saying "I would like to go in and meet with President George W. Bush."

The Marine, understandably agitated at this point, looked at the man and said, "Sir, this is the third day in a row you have been here asking to speak to Mr. Bush. I've told you already several times that Mr. Bush is not the President anymore and doesn't reside here. Don't you understand?"

The old man answered, "Oh, I understand you fine, I just love hearing your answer!"

Tragedy

Bill Clinton is visiting a school. In one class, he asks the students if anyone can give him an example of a "tragedy." One little boy stands up and offers that, "If my best friend who lives next door is playing in the street when a car came by and killed him, that would be a tragedy."

"No," Clinton says, "That would be an ACCIDENT."

A girl raises her hand. "If a school bus carrying fifty children drove off a cliff, killing everyone inside...that would be a tragedy."

"I'm afraid not," explains Clinton. "That is what we would call a GREAT LOSS."

The room is silent; none of the other children dare volunteer.

"What?" asks Clinton, "Isn't there anyone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?"

Finally a boy in the back raises his hand. In a timid voice, he says: "If an airplane carrying Bill and Hillary Clinton was blown up by a bomb, *that* would be a tragedy."

"Wonderful!" Clinton beams. "Marvelous! And can you tell me WHY that would be a tragedy?"

"Well," says the boy, "because it wouldn't be an accident, and it certainly would be no great loss!"

Intelligence levels

While visiting England, George Bush is invited to tea with the Queen. He asks her what her leadership philosophy is. She says that it is to surround herself with intelligent people.

Bush asks how she knows if they're intelligent.

"I do so by asking them the right questions," says the Queen. "Allow me to demonstrate."

Bush watches as the Queen phones Tony Blair and says, "Mr. Prime Minister, please answer this question: your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or sister. Who is it?"

Tony Blair responds, "It's me, ma'am."

"Correct. Thank you and good-bye, sir," says the Queen. She hangs up and says, "Did you get that, Mr. Bush?"

Bush nods: "Yes ma'am. Thanks a lot. I'll definitely be using that!"

Bush, upon returning to Washington, decides he'd better put the Chairman of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee to the test. Bush summons Jesse Helms to the White House and says, "Senator Helms, I wonder if you can answer a question for me."

"Why, of course, sir. What's on your mind?"

Bush poses the question: "Uhh, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"

Helms hems and haws and finally asks, "Can I think about it and get back to you?"

Bush agrees, and Helms leaves. He immediately calls a meeting of other senior Republican senators, and they puzzle over the question for several hours, but nobody can come up with an answer. Finally, in desperation, Helms calls Colin Powell at the State Department and explains his problem.

"Now look here, son, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"

Powell answers immediately, "It's me, of course."

Much relieved, Helms rushes back to the White House, finds George Bush, and exclaims, "I know the answer, sir! I know who it is! It's Colin Powell!"

And Bush replies in disgust, "Wrong, you damned idiot, it's Tony Blair!"

Racism

One day, a black man walked into a bar and asked for a beer. The barman, who was a white, said rudely to him:

" I don't serve coloured people here, sorry. "

The black man looked at him in surprise, and said:

"You called me coloured? Look who's talking, white boy! You people are white when you are normal, green when you are carsick, blue when you are sad, pink when you are embarrassed and purple when you are dead! And you still have the nerve to call me coloured! At least I don't change my colour as frequently as a chameleon!"

And with that, the black man walked out of the bar storming.