A Box Of Memories: March 2010

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Put The Donkey At The Back

I would say something like "Oh, it's been a long time since I've blogged." and whatever not, but seeing as it's ALWAYS a long time before I start a new blog post, I guess it would be really overused if I were to say that every time the situation arised. So, nope. I won't mention about having been gone for a long time. Except that I already have. Okay, nevermind. Let's skip this part, shall we? It's quite a retarded intro. And introes- is that even a word, or should it be intros or intro's? - should be really good, since that's the part where you have to captivate the attention of the readers and such. I guess I'm doing a really bad job of it. ANYWAYS!

The week has been hectic. Yes, it surpasses the hecticism(no, that's not really a word) of even a normal homework-ridden week of school, or even that of the exam week before this.

Let's cut to the chase. Cheese. Let's cut to the cheese. Let's cut a slice of cheese. Let's cut a slice of cheesecake. Let's have a slice of cheesecake. Mmm. Cheese.

Okay, people. Take a moment to indulge in the suffering of this poor man being hit by a slice of cheese.

Oh, shucks. Blogger doesn't do GIF images. I guess you'll have to make do with him smiling cheesily away. Otherwise you'd have to go to the trouble of clicking on this link right here to see it happen. Which you obviously don't want to do, because it's really troublesome and hard to click your mice. I love using reverse psychology.

I mean, why waste your mouse's time clicking on links when it could be doing something awesome like this?

Now, tell me that isn't the most awesome thing you've ever seen. I mean. COME ON! This picture reeks of awesomeness. It's a MOUSE. Pulling off a Mission Impossible that even Ethan Hunt would be proud of.

MOVING ON.
I should really stop getting sidetracked. Oh, by the way, from now on you can have alot more fun, because you get to keep an eye out for invisible texts like these!

The holiday began with. Erm. Nothing. Nothing happened on Friday, I think. Not that I remember, anyway.

So now we go to Saturday. At night, there was Nav's sweet sixteen. Which yes, was pretty awesome, seeing as she got a band and a DJ and the better half of the upper floor of Souled Out for us.

Plus, I had my very first dance battle. The result? Let's just say that it's alot harder to show-up a real breakdancer than to do what I've been doing in all the class parties previously. Haha!

Also, Jia En's Yes Man infatuation that night was really something. All the singing, tabasco sauce sniffing, gay-kissing, and... Did I miss out anything? I think that's it. You can watch him singing My Sacrifice on Facebook, by the way. With Jon Gui on guitar.

That's about it for Saturday.

On Sunday, dance practice began. Two weeks before the exam, Chi Yean asked me if I could get together a crew to perform at her party on the 17th. Naturally, I liked the idea, so I went and collected Jia En, Jia Wen, Bryan and Dylan for my crew. Having found a crew, I spent the better part of the next week and weekend choreographing the dance.

Let's just hope it doesn't affect my exam results too badly. Maybe the overall bad results of everyone will cover up and excuse me from my own exceptionally bad ones.

Of course, practice was scarce. You see, the exams ended on Friday. The party was on Wednesday the week after. Jia Wen was at band camp from Saturday till Monday. Bryan would be on holiday from Monday till Wednesday. And everyone had various events and functions to be attending, so the only thing we could work out in the end was:

Sunday
-Dylan & Bryan come over for practice in the morning, leave at night.

Monday
-Jia En arrives in the morning, leaves in the evening.
-Jia Wen arrives in the evening, sleeps over.

Tuesday
-Jia En, Dylan & I have an Interact meeting starting in the morning to attend, Jia Wen stays my house and practices by himself.
-In the evening, Dylan and I come back to the house to practice with Jia Wen. Dylan leaves at night, Jia Wen stays another night.

Wednesday
-Jia En, Dylan, Jia Wen are all her for practice in the morning.
-Bryan is nowhere to be seen until he returns from his holiday at 3pm.
-The party is scheduled to start at 5pm. We arrive fashionably late.

And there you have it. The first time we'd all practiced together was barely 3 hours before the performance itself. Considering that, I think we did pretty well. Well, you be the judge. If you weren't there, I'm uploading the video on Facebook, so visit my profile. It'll probably be up soon.

And yeah. Today is Thursday, and we'd had another Interact meeting. Tomorrow will be Mariko's party. Saturday and Sunday will probably be taken by band practice.

Where, oh where, will I ever find time to finish my scrapbooks, compos and any amount of other miscellaneous pieces of homework?

By the way, this invisible ink thing applies to all my posts from now on, cos it's really quite a handy way to insert short Author's Notes and excerpts of my thoughts and opinions.

Jun Shern out.

*Static*

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CaLAMEity

What do you call a baby pig?
A piglet.

What do you call a baby bull?
Bullet!

What do you call cheese that is not yours?
Nacho-cheese!

What do you use to count cows?
A cow-culator!

Who is the second most efficient person in the science and maths club?
The co-efficient!

If you make apple pies from apples, what do you make with snakes?
Pie-thon! (python)

Why did the cow board the spaceship?
Because she wanted to go to the mooooo-n!

Why did people bring swimming gear to Dr. Jekyll's house?
Because he was having a Poole-party!

What do you call the most non-violent ocean?
The Paficist Ocean!

What do you call the most detailed ocean?
The Spacific Ocean!

How did the detective know that the fish stole the money?
Because the fish looked very gill-ty!

What kind of fruit is never lonely?
A pear(pair).

What is the most popular place in school?
The canteen, because it has alot of fans!

Which object in a classroom weighs the least?
The light!

Where do snowmen go to dance?
A snowball!

What is the healthiest kind of book?
An exercise book!

Why did Kris Allen draw his ogive graph wrongly?
Because there are no boundaries!

What is "try"?
Chem is try!

Top Ten Blonde Jokes

Question: If a blonde and a brunette fell off a building, who would hit the ground first?
Answer: The brunette - the blonde would have to stop for directions!

The assistant asked the blonde if she would like her pizza cut into six pieces or twelve.

"Six please" she said, "I could never eat twelve!"

A blonde was walking down the road with a healthy looking pig under her arm. As she passed the bus stop, someone asked,

"Where did you get that?"

The pig replied,

"I won her in a raffle!"

A person went into the office kitchen one morning and found a new blonde girl painting the walls. She was wearing a new fur coat and a nice denim jacket.

Thinking this was a little strange, he asked her why she was wearing them rather than old clothes or an overall.

She showed him the instructions on the tin,

"For best results, put on two coats".

Two blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their car with a coat hanger.
First Blonde:

"I can't seem to get this door unlocked!

Second Blonde:

Well you better hurry up. It's starting to rain and the top is down!

Three blondes were walking through a field when they came across a set of tracks.

The first blonde looked down at the tracks and said,

"I think they could be bird tracks."

The second blonde went to look and said,

"No, I think these are deer tracks."

They stepped aside and the third blonde went over to the tracks. She looked down, then got run over by the train!

A blonde asked someone what time it was, and they told her it was 4:45. The blonde, with a puzzled look on her face replied,

"You know, it's the weirdest thing, I have been asking that question all day, and each time I get a different answer."

A blonde was driving down the road listening to the radio and was quite upset when she heard blonde joke after blonde joke. A little way down the road, she saw another blonde out in a field rowing a boat. The blonde stopped her car and angrily jumped out yelling,

"You dumb blonde bimbo! It's blondes like you that give the rest of us a bad name! If I could swim I'd come out there and give you what's coming to you!"

A blonde and a redhead went to the bar after work for a drink, and sat on stools watching the 6 O'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge, and the blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump.

Sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead $50. The redhead said,

"I can't take this, you're my friend."

But the blonde insisted saying,

"No. A bet's a bet."

Then the redhead said

"Listen, I have to tell you that I saw this on the 5 O'clock news, so I can't take your money."

The blonde replied

"Well, so did I, but I didn't think he would jump again!"

A dumb blonde was really tired of being made fun of, so she decided to have her hair she would look like a brunette.

When she had brown hair, she decided to take a drive in the country.

After she had been driving for a while, she saw a farmer and a flock of sheep and thought,

"Oh! Those sheep are so adorable!"

She got out and walked over to the farmer and said,

"If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one home?"

The farmer, being a bit of a gambler himself, said she could have a try.

The blonde looked at the flock and guessed, "157."

The farmer was amazed - she was right! So the blonde, (who looked like a brunette), picked one out and got back into her car.

Before she left, farmer walked up to her and said.

"If I can guess the real color of your hair, can I have my dog back?"

Three wishes

Three men stranded on a tropical island came upon a lamp buried in the sand. They rubbed the lamp and a genie appeared in a puff of smoke.

"I'll grant you three wishes," said the genie.

"I wish I were home with my family," said the first man.

The genie waved his hand and POOF! The man disappeared in a puff of green smoke.

"I wish I was back home with my friends," said the second man and POOF! He too vanished in a puff o smoke.

The third man thought long and hard until the genie tapped his fingers impatiently and snapped " What is it you wish?"

The third man sniffled and said "I wish my two friends were back here with me to keep me company."

He is no longer president, sir.

One sunny day in 2008, an old man approached the White House from across Pennsylvania Avenue, where he'd been sitting on a park bench. He spoke to the Marine standing guard and said, "I would like to go in and meet with President George W. Bush."

The Marine replied, "Sir, Mr. Bush is no longer President and doesn't reside here." The old man said, "Okay," and walked away.

The following day, the same man approached the White House and said to the same Marine, "I would like to go in and meet with President George W. Bush".

The Marine again told the man, "Sir, as I said yesterday, Mr. Bush is no longer President and doesn't reside here." The man thanked him and again walked away . . .

The third day, the same man approached the White House and spoke to the very same Marine, saying "I would like to go in and meet with President George W. Bush."

The Marine, understandably agitated at this point, looked at the man and said, "Sir, this is the third day in a row you have been here asking to speak to Mr. Bush. I've told you already several times that Mr. Bush is not the President anymore and doesn't reside here. Don't you understand?"

The old man answered, "Oh, I understand you fine, I just love hearing your answer!"

Tragedy

Bill Clinton is visiting a school. In one class, he asks the students if anyone can give him an example of a "tragedy." One little boy stands up and offers that, "If my best friend who lives next door is playing in the street when a car came by and killed him, that would be a tragedy."

"No," Clinton says, "That would be an ACCIDENT."

A girl raises her hand. "If a school bus carrying fifty children drove off a cliff, killing everyone inside...that would be a tragedy."

"I'm afraid not," explains Clinton. "That is what we would call a GREAT LOSS."

The room is silent; none of the other children dare volunteer.

"What?" asks Clinton, "Isn't there anyone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?"

Finally a boy in the back raises his hand. In a timid voice, he says: "If an airplane carrying Bill and Hillary Clinton was blown up by a bomb, *that* would be a tragedy."

"Wonderful!" Clinton beams. "Marvelous! And can you tell me WHY that would be a tragedy?"

"Well," says the boy, "because it wouldn't be an accident, and it certainly would be no great loss!"

Intelligence levels

While visiting England, George Bush is invited to tea with the Queen. He asks her what her leadership philosophy is. She says that it is to surround herself with intelligent people.

Bush asks how she knows if they're intelligent.

"I do so by asking them the right questions," says the Queen. "Allow me to demonstrate."

Bush watches as the Queen phones Tony Blair and says, "Mr. Prime Minister, please answer this question: your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or sister. Who is it?"

Tony Blair responds, "It's me, ma'am."

"Correct. Thank you and good-bye, sir," says the Queen. She hangs up and says, "Did you get that, Mr. Bush?"

Bush nods: "Yes ma'am. Thanks a lot. I'll definitely be using that!"

Bush, upon returning to Washington, decides he'd better put the Chairman of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee to the test. Bush summons Jesse Helms to the White House and says, "Senator Helms, I wonder if you can answer a question for me."

"Why, of course, sir. What's on your mind?"

Bush poses the question: "Uhh, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"

Helms hems and haws and finally asks, "Can I think about it and get back to you?"

Bush agrees, and Helms leaves. He immediately calls a meeting of other senior Republican senators, and they puzzle over the question for several hours, but nobody can come up with an answer. Finally, in desperation, Helms calls Colin Powell at the State Department and explains his problem.

"Now look here, son, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"

Powell answers immediately, "It's me, of course."

Much relieved, Helms rushes back to the White House, finds George Bush, and exclaims, "I know the answer, sir! I know who it is! It's Colin Powell!"

And Bush replies in disgust, "Wrong, you damned idiot, it's Tony Blair!"

Racism

One day, a black man walked into a bar and asked for a beer. The barman, who was a white, said rudely to him:

" I don't serve coloured people here, sorry. "

The black man looked at him in surprise, and said:

"You called me coloured? Look who's talking, white boy! You people are white when you are normal, green when you are carsick, blue when you are sad, pink when you are embarrassed and purple when you are dead! And you still have the nerve to call me coloured! At least I don't change my colour as frequently as a chameleon!"

And with that, the black man walked out of the bar storming.